I Did All I Could...

I knew not what to do
I knew I had to go
It isn't like I didn't care
I think I cared too much
The clients are asleep
They have all had meds
They have all been fed
Above them, a good roof
Around them, all they need
I did all I could
But did I do enough?
No, I did all I could
Their problems still exist
The bullshit yet persists
And the leadership resists
but I did all I could
The sleep, my eyes did close
The staff revolted, my temper rose
The schedule, I broke like glass
While administration kicked my ass
If only I could give more...
If only they could see
But I gave all I could
The clients cannot understand
It was for them I tried
So innocent and trapped
It is the the life they know
And I know they shall go on
We were so all alike
We the clients, we the staff
All suckered in like saps
The deception was the same
We all became attached
So hard to be just "staff"
--to need permission to be friends
--to watch those friendships end
--to let your people down
--to wonder what became of them
I'll remember what they taught
The wisdom in their ways
The tricksters, and the quiet ones,
The clowns, the athletes and the ladies men
and my mistakes that they forgave
They will always be my friends
and they know better than I
that their humanity will find a way
I did all I could
I gave just enough
and it is enough to know
I may have done some good

Terrorlyn's Final Freakout or Terrolyn's Got A Gun

Dear All Staff,

I just wanted to let you know that I used to love you, but I had to kill you. Obviously, you cannot read this because you're all dead now. Daddy was right when he told me, "eighteen and life you got it, eighteen and life to go." My crime is time, and its...eighteen and life to go.

Oh Bojo, why did you have to step into my line of fire! Lord, pour some sugar on me, oh in the name of love. I wanted to have love in an elevator. I wanted to live it up and I went down.

Now I feel like I should jump, like I might as well jump.

I had no idea a gun would be so easy to shoot, and staff so easy to hit. I mean, like, you guys didn't even run, you little poopers! Didn't you see me? Gosh you're all so dumb. You know where you are? You're in the office, baby. Its gonna bring down down.

Bojo wake late and put on you're clothes, and take your credit card to the liquor store. Now thats one for you and two for me. I'm rolling like a freight train, just shot out a pagan's brains. I'm gliding like an aeroplane one more time to-night. Well I've got one chance left on a night like tonight. I've got a dog that doubts my smile. I've got a molotov coctail and a match to go: I smite my heathens in style.

Lord, I'm blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche in a corner of the night.

Well, I entered light. I'll enter night. Its off to never never land.

Goodbye staff. You were not worthy to breathe air. If you just tried a little harder you could've had a right to serve me. Unfortunately you failed. We could've had pizza and giggled and had tickle fights while we watched the Ten Commandments. Instead you chose to watch Harry Stupid Head Potter and now you're all dead. ...So there!

Its hard to forgive, but I'll try because the cops will be here soon.

Yours really,

Terrorlyn

And Now....Steven T's inner thoughts....

Man, another day at the office. Hee hee! I wonder who I can fuck with today. Let's see I made Rachel cry yesterday....hmmmm.
Man, I dont know why all those damn managers are so uppity lately?
It must be that smoking crowd!
Saying horrible untruths about me... Jesus let them see the way! Let them have common sense! !
Oh, how I pray that their horrible pagan souls will be redeemed by my righteousness! I bet it is that heathen JT stirring up trouble.
I should of canned him right away when he started out complaining about the Pink house staff.
I mean everything has worked there just fine for years...making me go into a meeting with those scum bags! Oh, Jesus why must I be persecuted?
Oh well, I will just have another pizza party for them and it will all be just fine. Man, I cant wait to get to work and see what outfits those sexy managers and directors are wearing today!
God bless HR for getting me a stable of ho's!
Lord? I am thinking of adding another wife to my stable.
She is a Christan too!
Just perfect!
Under 21 with little or no experience. Perfect!
I am almost there...my lord!
Just like King Solomon and his hundreds of wives! God, I love being a Christan!
Let's see here...I have to pay for rent on office space today.
Man, I am a bit short.
Damn! Oh well, I will just dock pay on the managers cell phone bills and that will make up for it.
Maybe a shouldn't have bought that ATV!
No, my kids needed it.
And ya know what the good book says, "if you work hard the lord will provide!"
That's what those little pukes need is some hard work ethics!
Hmmmm, maybe I will get Bojo to hassle another live in so they will quit and we will have more overnights!
That will teach em!
Well , here I am at work! Ahhhh, love it!.. God....thank you for letting me come up with this scheme, opps I mean dream...if you hadn't let me and Bojo come up with your will...I don't know what I would do!
Bojo is so smart...hire people that have little or no experience in the field, so you make them think this is how it all really is!
I just hope they aren't looking at he want ads and comparing salaries!
Oh well, if they do... we can always find more, suckers!
Well, thank you lord and....woah!..look at what that Christie chick is wearing...I will have to have a disciplinary meeting with her later...where is those green sheets? Maybe I will just dip into the cients accounts and take her out for a little dinner tonight...Hee hee!

The enlightenment of PKT

As I was walking down the street the other day, still recovering from months of insomnia, nausea, stress and endless hours of working for right winged conservative organization... I spotted a strange old man talking to himself outside of McDonalds. He had a coffee and a large pop. He was sputtering about "teeth not being sent by Medicare or something"
I said, "Hello, good morning to ya!" and he smiled and said”, Would you like to share a cup of coffee with me, my son? Heewak!"
"Sure" I said and sat across him.
"My, you looked a little burned out my friend! Ayuka yuka!" he smiled and gulped down some pop.
"I am.” I sighed.
"Why my son? Whoopee de do!" he said as he passed me some sugar packets.
"Oh, I just got done working at this godforsaken job and it was months ago, and man... I am still burnt out!"
"What was your job? Heewack wacky! He yelled quite loudly.
"A Social Service monkey" I sighed again.
"Oh.”
An eerie silence landed between us.
"But, you must have been doing some good, correct? Wookie wookie!" he smiled.
"I guess,” I said blandly. " Here is the deal though...I was never very happy there. I tried to be positive. I really did. Every night, when I would go to bed, I am thinking that if I make the effort, maybe happiness is within my reach; genuine happiness is out there waiting for me. Yeah, I'll sacrifice my ego and serve those that need help, and I know that is very hard to do, but then something has got to come back to me, ya know, like a feeling of making a difference that should lead to some kind of feeling of happiness..."
"Yes, yes...rooby vroom!" he gleefully exclaimed.
I noticed that he had a strange aura to him. It was if he had a grubby halo around his head. His long scraggly beard seemed to touch the plastic table and mop up the spilled coffee. He sort of looked a weird homeless guru or something...
"Anyway, so I would think these thoughts and then I would try to sleep and I soon as I did, lo and behold... the phone would ring at 5 a.m.! It would be the group home live-in staff claiming that a certain client was, once again, was refusing to go to work. Therefore, off I trudge with little or no sleep, having to drag this poor psychotic screaming woman to work, in the bright early morning rush hour and did not even have a descent breakfast yet! After that, I then have to go into the office cause some stupid receipt for a 1.27 is lost and the minute I step into the office, all those thoughts about happiness fly out the window! I have to deal with the pressures, the demands, my boss is a jerk, and I cannot stand the owner!
And suddenly the idea of internal happiness slips away.
It just evaporates.
Things become so hectic that I barely have a chance to catch my breath, let alone think about myself.
And of course, the company I work for does not give one good fart about my happiness. But, I need to work. I need the money. I can't just quit and get another job.
Man.
And THEN as soon as I have finished putting in 10 hours of work or more, I'm told I have to go do an overnight cause someone quit.
And, I cannot sleep well at other places then my own bedroom...and I have this emergency pager that rings as soon as I have an hour to myself and of course I get that same damn call again at 5 a.m.!
And then it all starts to cycle again. So, how am I to really find some sort of happiness at work?"
"And it isn't just me either." as I gulped down a second cup of Jove. "All the other people that are managers there felt the same way to one degree or another."
"Why is that? Shaboom shaboom. Heewak!" he said as he wolfed down an egg Mcmuffin.
"Well, various reasons, ranging from inadequate compensation, simple boredom, to more complex factors. There were all sorts of things to make us miserable; poor social atmosphere, lack of recognition, too much responsibility laid on one person, and no real chance to create a sense of autonomy, no freedom to do our work in our own way. We didn't get any training and good direction from our bosses but once we were given something that was a clear cut task, we would have our supervisor or actually the big boss breathing down our necks, making no room for creativity or personal initiative. It had to be the PKT way!"
"Hmmm. Too bad. Too bad. Snorkel snort!" He said.
"You wouldn't have any thoughts about how a person could go about increasing a feeling of autonomy or freedom at work?"
"What’s auto mommy?" he asked.
"Oh never mind" I sighed.
"No, please!" he asked.
"Its a feeling of being a sane individual among a team. You feel that you are trusted to make the best decisions for the team. You a mature sane adult...or something like that I guess..."
Oh, yes. Yes! Heewak! Well...I don’t know. He responded. "Of course it would completely depend on the persons' individual circumstances, what position they are in."
"Wow, maybe this guy isn’t so nuts.” I thought.
"Any suggestions?" I asked.
He reflected as he pulled out Mcmuffin crumbs from his beard. "Well, lets take an example of a client of yours locked away at a psych ward. Now of course it aint good to be locked up there, but even then in that situation, where a person is deprived of freedom, he or she can make these small like choices see, ya know.. that they are able to make. And even if someone is locked up, with very bad rules, he can like space out on some hallucinations to lessen his mental anguish, ya know like create a peace of mind. Or ask to just be left alone...to think...to clear his mind. So, then perhaps he can work on his inner development. In fact, I even heard at Anoka psych ward they were even practicing art therapy or visiting with animals to help make a different choice..then just plain suffering."
"Yeah, but you can't have "art therapy" going on at a corporation!" I interjected. They would lock you up in the psych ward with your clients."
"No...no ya dont understand...he exclaimed...So, I am thinking, Hee wack! That if people can do these things even under extreme conditions as the psych ward is, maybe your fellow workers may try to find little things, small choices that they can make in how to do their work. Of course, somebody may work on an assembly line with little variation, but they still have little choices in terms of their attitude, how they interact with co workers, maybe that might help?"
"Of course, when you are talking about rigid rules and lack of freedom, that sure don't mean that you should go blindly following and accept what all them bosses say. When you are being exploited, where this boss guy just thinks in term of profit and it seems like he pays you all a small salary and demands a LOT of overtime, or where you all may be asked to do things that just aren't right or um...what they say...unethical, you shouldn't just think, "well, that's being compassionate and putting others before me. It just my karma, and then take no action. That is where it is not enough to think, "I should just shut up and be content"
"Wow, this homeless dude was blowing my mind.” Who is this guy?" I wondered.
" If there is injustice, then I think just doing nothing is the wrong action. It’s misplaced tolerance or misplaced forbearance. So, in the example of mentally ill people, in the face of injustice generally, misplaced patience or forbearance refers to the sense of endurance that some individuals have when they are subject to a very destructive, negative activity. This is a misplaced forbearance and endurance. Hee wack!"
Was this some homeless psychologist or enlightened deity, I was talking too?
I was spell bound.
"At your work if there is a lot of injustice and exploitation, then to passively tolerate is the wrong response! The real response really is to actively resist it, to try to change this environment rather then just blindly accept it"
"One should take action. Yucka mucka. Heewak!" he exclaimed loudly!
"Of course it again depends on the situation, but one could speak to the boss, with the management, and try to change these things. Hee whoop whoop!"
I fell off my chair laughing hysterically. "We have tried!” I gulped for air. "And what happens if that doesn't work?.
He jumped on the table spilling coffee everywhere.
"Then revolt! Rebel! He screamed.
He laughed hysterically too, but I don't think it had anything to do with what we were discussing.
"That's what I say! Resist exploitation. And if ya have to you might simply have to quit and look for another job””. he cackled as he went to fill up his pop.
I followed.
"Hey, dude, what’s your name?"
"I am called the Dealy Lemur! Or ya can just call me...crazy! Hee wack! Hee wack!"
He filed his cup to the brim with pop. Jumped up and down said "hee wack" a couple more times. He had chased out the frightened customers and then in a flash... was gone!
As I left jacked up on coffee and having a different outlook now, I couldn't but wonder if he used to be a health care worker or something. Dealy Lemur, hmmmmm.
"I have to stop by here again,” I thought.
Perhaps he would have more jewels of wisdom to give, over a cup of this horrible tasting McD's Jove.

Portrait of A BOJO As A Young Man

I need to start thinking deeper thoughts. Jazz is great, and King's English is paying the bills, and getting me laid by five different chicas every night. I like the free dope and the free fame, but still, 60 k a year is not the same as 70 k, which was my goal by age 30. I mean, where are my priorities? Maybe instead of all this jazz crap, I should be the administrator of a group home run by a drunken, reclusive, ego driven maniac. I mean...yeah. That could be really positive. Hey, "positive": that is just a great, great word to describe so many things. I think...yeah, I think I'll stick with that. Okay, great! That is really great. You know, I think if I sell my soul now to a group home, it will be worth more than if I sell it for rock n' roll. Hey...that was an incredibly bright thing to think. See, there's the "process" and then there's a "goal." The main thing to remember, is how to differentiate process from goals, and then...yeah. Wow. I mean, it REALLY is ALL GOOD. Hey Me, I wonder if I smoke too much dope. And what is that? "Smoking too much dope?" Well...I guess one way of looking at that question is by asking another question. And well, what is that other question? Well, for example I could say, "hey BOJO, do you--I mean I--smoke too much dope?" and depending on the answer, I could say, "well, how do we quantify too much dope? And how is that dope smoked? And why?" I mean, there might be several factors going on here, time, stress and the method of dope ingestion all influence how we can view one angle of the question. Uh, wait a second. What am I saying? Who am I talking to? These are other totally valid questions, and I respect that fact that they were asked, and I really respect myself for even having the courage to ask them to myself. It REALLY is all good.

Yeah, I think I really need to learn to let go of jazz. I have cash to think about. And what can I do with cash? Well, I can buy more dope, and I can smoke it in my Lincoln Navigator. Bjut wait a minute, I get dope for FREE, so why would I want to buy it? Well, there's several ways of looking at it, and each of those ways have several sub-categories of ways that are related to the main question...of numbers of ways. Well, lets see. Lets look at this. Dope. Its good. Really good. And buying dope when I could get it for free makes me look good. It makes me take more responsibility, and taking responsibility is always a positive thing. How can it not be?

Yeah, its funny the way that Steve guy keeps following me around and offering me hand jobs if I'll just come work for him at his company. Its weird but...maybe the offers of free hand jobs are really a way of expressing a desire to express himself in clearer and more socially appropriate ways, and how can that struggle NOT be a good thing? And how can it not be a good thing to share in someone else's journey to find self expression? It really not can not be a good thing? It HAS to be good, because really everything IS good. It always is. I'm proud of me, for my ability to respect myself and others.

Wow, I've haven't ingested any dope in five minutes. That could or couldn't be a good thing, but it really doesn't matter all that much.

Gosh, and that group home company sounds like a very...uh...pimp friendly atmosphere, and it shares the journyes of these wonderful, great, money making retarded people. But I feel the need to clarify: not like the band "Journey." Journey was a great band. "You take it on the road bay-bay. Nowhere to go now ba-bay." Who can ever forget words like that? Or was that Oreo Speedwagon? I'm just...not...sure. I'm glad that I was able to establish the importance of defining our terms.

And Now... Bojo's Deepest Thoughts

• 
  
  Sometimes I think there’s a light, and there’s a tunnel. And so there’s gotta be a light at the end of that tunnel, right? Cause if there isn’t, sorry to say it but you‘re f**ked.
  
• If sometimes your job feels like you’re flying alone over the jungles of Africa in a burning plane I hope you realize you’re not alone and that I could get anyone else on earth to do your job in a second. So stop complaining.
  
• When Pink elephants start showing up in Pink houses and leaving peanut shells all over the carpet when they visit …well then, I must have been visiting the magic plant in the bathroom too much this week.
  
• If you ever think your job feels lonely and thankless, just remember I do overnights too. And boy do I sleep soundly on my giant pillow of money whenever I do.

Goodbye...:By Smurfette

Goodbye...It is with a sad heart I report to you the loss of our best coordinator, Joe Schmo. Did he quit , You ask? No sadly he has died. While we all know that death is a part of life, we were sad to see Joe expire. Could it have been because we demanded so much of him all the time?Could it have been the lack of sleep we consistently required daily? Maybe his heart gave out after he saw his paycheck and realized he wasn’t being compensated anything close to what he should have been for sacrificing his well being as a member of the human race. In any event, he will be dearly missed and we will think of him always. In the meantime I want you to know that we have begun interviewing for Joe’s spot and hope to have someone in soon to whip and beat in his place. Don’t forget about the birthday party next month at Chino Latino! Tell your friends!

Love,Your Boss and forever Master

The Overnight: by Smurfette

Now in lay me down to sleep
PKT my soul to keep
If I should quit before I snap
At least I’m done with all this crap
Another house, another day
8 hours more sleep is gone away
I toss and turn and pace the halls
No sleep goes on within these walls
On a broken couch I watch the clock
I hear strange noises up the block
The wind blows, the screen door slams
I beg for mercy at 3am.
I leave at sunup for my ride
driving home on the wrong side
I get back home a close my eyes
5 mintues later, big surprise
A shift’s not covered yet again
And guess who gets to go back in?
God forbid I sleep at all
Oh no not when I’m on call
I grab my keys and off I go
A broken spirit
This job blows

BOJO's Prayer...

Come with me to the pasture
my little lamb lambs
I shall lead you not
into negativity
but deliver you from sleep
for thine is the overnight
the yellow phone,
the annual meeting
and you are the sheep

Follow me, my children. And make my babies.

Because...

...That would be really positive...

Amen.

Terrorlyn's Diary...

Dear Diary,

I had a real poopy day today. One of my little managers--who shall not be named because I'm very professional--but lets just say he's this hairy heathen freak. Anyhoo, he disobeyed me. Well, like I told him I wanted the company letterhead on all the timecards he hands in, but that poop head didn't do it! Well, I guess I didn't EXACTLY tell him. I just thought he'd KNOW. Jeepers he's such a dolt. At least he doesn't verbally contradict me like those other two scary wenches who work for me. Anyways diary, why can't people just learn to do things my way? Don't they think I know what I'm doing? Cripes, I was a bank teller for two whole years before I got into group homes. I've kinda been around the block a time or two!

And you know, the other day that hairy heathen actually said he wouldn't bring a sick client into the office. Its like he thinks this job is just some kind of dope party and he's the king of it. How do they manage to hire such degenerates? I mean, who knows what that guy is into? He looks middle eastern and I wonder if he's not a terrorite. I guess they just hired him to get their affirmative action quota for colored people in the office. I've thought about callingthe Department of Homeland Security to check him out. And who knows what else he's into? I mean, its people like him that read Harry Potter and inject crack! Yucky!

Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to all my dorm friends from Bethel. We used to have soooo much fun. Oh the good old days of pajama parties and pillow fights and pizza and popcorn and staying up until ten at night! Those were the wild times. I still can't believe that one girl who brought a Cosmo over! And all the other girls actually started reading it with her. It had all these icky things about boys and sex and it was just so disgusting. I can't believe people even think about those things. Well, I guess they'll get their true reward on judgement day when Jesus sends them to h-e-double-hockey-sticks forever.

Well Diary, I can't believe I'm writing this but there's this really cute guy at work that I really like a lot but he's kinda my boss. I just find it so amazing that Bojo knows so much about everything, even more than me and his beard and soul patch are just the bee's knees. He reminds me of Joseph from the Old Testament. Joseph was HOT! Oh my gosh, and when Donny Osmand played him I just about MELTED. But anyhoo, sometimes I wonder if Bojo really IS a prophet. Once, when I was copying something we bumped into each other and I got this really funny feeling all over. I'm not sure if it was icky or super. Its not a sin though as long as you pray afterward.

Diary, I am very tolerant but every time I bring up a great idea for more paperwork, all the managers and even the other directors don't even want to listen. Its like they think they have a million things to do and are soooo busy that a few dozen extra form is going to hurt them or something. If everyone were as hard working as me, I think we could end world hunger in a day. I guess I have to admit that its lonely at the top, but hey wasn't it kina lonely in the middle and at the bottom too?

Thats all for now Diary.

A Friendly Message From Terrorlyn!

Dear All Staff,

I just want to let you know what a super duper job you guys are doing and you're the best staff in the whole wide world. Oh, also I need you to take care of the cobwebs in the corner of the basement closet. I mean, like, they've been there WAY too long. Remember, we have families and social workers coming in here. We need to make sure we ALWAYS project a super positive image.

Also staff, I don't know who forgot to sign one of the leisure records but that was way, way, way, way out of line. I want us all to be friends and I don't want to have to write anyone up, so please don't force me to. That would make me feel sooooo icky inside, and who wants to feel icky? Not me!

Also staff, easter is coming up and you know what that means!!! Time for family and those pretty baskets and bows and colored eggs for our guys. Oops! Did I just write "colored"? Well, I said colored eggs NOT colored people because I just would never, ever, never say that because we had a colored family in my church once, and they were so welcome. I do think I recall telling you guys to dust off the pink bunny suits for the clients. You know how BAD they'll feel if they don't get to frolic in their hoppy floppy bunny suits while they look for easter eggs filled with special candy treats. I know you know how much it means to them. Yay!

Also staff, I heard that B took a little poopers in his pantsies at the day program. I'd like to know who was working that morning. Remember, this is what happens when we don't follow the BM schedule that I see no one has charted on in two whole days. I know we can do better. Yay!

Also staff, I'm noticing that Brownie and Scoopers are pee peeing everywhere again and it is really starting to get icky downstairs. Brownie is getting really old and she's had a super duper duper good life but sometimes you have to know when to say goodbye. Thats why I got some arsenic pellets to put in her cat food. I heard all about it on the internet. She'll go into the arms of Jesus real super quick and just convulse a little (when she does please make sure the clients aren't watching) and I think it really is her time and gosh that kitty pee is just yucky ucky. Hurray! As for Scoopers, she's not peeing all that much and I really don't think its her time yet.

Okay, that is all for now. You guys are the super bestest staff in the whole company. Just remember to do what I'm telling you and we'll all be best friends all the time and I'll come over and we'll have giggle parties and pillow fights. Yay!

--Terrorlyn

ODE to a dead van....

Oh glorious broken down van...
How ye never really worked.
How I tried to get you fixed, but was ignored.
You were a god to the clients...
They searched for you every day.
Even though, they could only see you every two weeks.
You were never new, but the owner's old vehicle.
Now that he has a F1500 Ford truck
for his failing penile manhood.
We shall miss the brakes that screeched at each stop.
The blue smoke issuing even within the van itself.
I shall miss the ancient piss stains and mold from Mcdonald's.
You caught fire on mainstreet...
even only after your transmission dropped 2 weeks before. Hmmmm?
We could have crashed and died,
but as we jumped from the flames...
I could not but lament that now I would have to again use my own car
that I would never get reinbursed for mileage...
Oh how cruel fate is...
to work for a penny pincher who needs another ATV for his kids to play on rather then
fix you.
Oh, great provider to appointments and the grocery store...
Fair thee well...
Perhaps we shall meet again, when they restore you with a new paintjob and inform us that we now have a new vehicle...
Sleep well great van...sleep well...

Wanted: Director position open at PKT

We are seeking employment for a new opening within our company; SLS Director.
Qualifications:
A B.A. in anything but Social Services.
A real motivation for self abuse.
Being able to make other managers do what you really don't want to do.
Avoiding "straight to the point" questions from staff members.
Being able to sit through many hours of meaningless meetings.
The ability to make others feel "smaller and insignificant".
Being able to fire and hire on the spot.
Being able to work 24 hour shifts, at any time.
Make less then actual managers at other human service companies.
Not caring about health insurance.
Creating fear and suspicion among group home staff.
The ability to lie to staff, clients, family members, and social service agencies for the benefit of the company.
Like to create unecccesary drama or at least participate in it.
Being able to "look busy"
Be on call 24/7.
Kiss ass to our company prophet.
Not care about giving people raises on time or vacations.
Sleepovers (at least twice a week)
Actually being a LSI staff with a bigger title.
Look like you really care.
The ability to have all "common sense" thrown out the window and believe it makes sense anyway.
The ability to be "watched" at all times by our company prophet.
The tolerance for miscommunication and dysfunction between company prophet and teh Administrator.
Having your pay docked for really stupid reasons (at least once a month).
Having an actual parking space (of course you will need to pay for it).
Endless and needless paperwork.
Constant excuse making to social service industries.
Really only filling in a employment hole, so the Adminstrator doesn't have to do it.
The ability to delude yourself that you really know anything about psychology, or mental illness.
Being mentally ill yourself.
Sign language skills optional.
Being female, under 25, with a cute butt or nice tits a plus!
Please send blood, urine, fecal samples to our HR person to be considered...oh hell, what's your name buddy...your hired!!!!

Wanted: Medicare bucks for my new ATV

Stuck in the Psych ward?
Have tons of medicare money just laying around?
Family can't stand that little "problem" of yours anymore?
Want to be just left alone (in your room) most of the time?
Want unexperienced management taking care of your most intimate mental health needs?
Do you yearn for high school students and people from foriegn countries to ignore you on a daily basis?
Like experimenting with medications?
Would you like a uncle nicknamed Bojo?
Like pizza parties?
Become part of the PKT "family"...ask your social worker now!!!
Don't worry...we always have a bed open somewhere..

How Would YOU Like A Rewarding Career Serving Special Needs People?

At PKT Enterprises, We Believe In "Investing In the Lives of People." That's Our Motto. That's Our Mission. That's Our Way.

At PKT Enterprises, we take our mission to invest in the lives of people very seriously. Every month, our financial advisors analyize the assets our clients bring in from fixed local, county, and state sources, and together with our stock portfolio managers, we work to create a stable, upward trending asset attainment margain for all of our investors, with extra options granted to our "special needs" PKT investors who contribute the most.

"That's great," you say, "but what can PKT do for its employees?"



PKT offers its management employees the following benefits:

• High deductible/ zero gain health insurance
• Flexible hours, including days, nights, weekends and overnights
• Generous death benefits: if you die on the job, a couch or other piece of furniture will be permanently preserved in your honor
• Exploding mini-vans that will provide hours of entertainment to yourself and your clients!
• If you are pretty, female and under the age of 24 you can sign up for the CEO's "Stable of Hoes" program, and enjoy the camraderie of becoming a "sister" to his other wives
• Your own, personal cell phone will ensure that you will NEVER be lonely again!!!

PLEASE ASK FOR AN INTERVIEW FOR THE FOLLOWING OPEN POSITIONS:

Live-In

Ever wanted to live in a palatial mansion, RENT FREE??? PKT always has openings for these positions, but they're being snapped up right and left like hot cakes at a Sunday brunch so ACT FAST!!!

We require the following to qualify for this lucrative position:

• A hole and a pulse
• A lack of ambition
• You must be in a desperate situation and not able to rent elsewhere due to your shady background, criminal record or other.

We offer our live-in's the following benefits:

• Palatial, rent free living
• Private bath, with turbo jet hot tub
• Free crack

Lead Staff

Hey, ever wanted to feel like you're "in charge" without really being in charge of anything except cleaning more toilets? We thought so! Then PKT's lead staff positions might be for you.

We require the following in order to qualify for this lucrative position:

• Proven ability and aptitude for being a slave
• Willingness to work like a dog
• Ability to get into power struggles with other staff
• Ability to fill in on a moment's notice whenever the house coordinator asks

We offer our lead staffs the following, generous benefits:

• Belated thanks after begging and groveling to motivate them to perform extra tasks
• .20 more PER HOUR than regular LSI staff!!!
• PTO which you will never be able to take
• Multiple opportunities for advancement

House Coordinator

Hey, ever wanted to feel like you were "in charge" without being in charge of anything except more work? Then the house coordinator position may be for you!

We require the following in order to qualify for this lucrative, upper echalon, elite position:

• Preferably: Be young, female and under age 24 with no previous management experience
• A background in banking, road construction, marketing or other related field
• A BA in social services, shit eating or other related field
• Ability to work while sick, work while asleep, work when you haven't eaten in days, work after you've been burned in a fire, work while driving, work during acute or chronic nervous breakdown
• Never be in a relationship or have sex again (except as part of the "Stable of Hoes" program)
• Ability to do whatever ever you're told, whenever you're told to do it, day or night, snow or rain, hell or high water

We offer our house coordinators the following, insanely generous benefits:

• Once per year, a $25 Holiday gas station gift card
• Weekly coordinator meeting pizza parties where you'll be paid to sit in on trainings and in-services that will expand your mind and advance your career
• A microchip impant in the back of your neck with your own personal bar code so we can "be there" to help you if you ever get lost or run into trouble!
• A loving, respectful staff who will trust you enough to tell you about their anti-psychotic medications and how the meds affect their sex life!
• Exploding vans
• A company credit card that will be used to bilk you out of your pay when you quit
• A Father Knows Best atmosphere, with an administrator who loves all the lambs in his PKT pasture

DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND LIKE WHAT YOU WANT???

Contact PKT Today To Inquire Further:

1-800-eat-shyt

Things I'm Going To Do With My PKT Sweatshirt: By Smurfette

Things I’m going to do with my PKT sweatshirt now that I quit my job

1. Rip it into rags and wash my car

2. Line a birdcage

3. Repaint my bedroom wearing it

4. Protect my good clothes when I’m coloring my hair

5. Stuff it at Halloween and make a scarecrow

6. Twist it up and rat tail people I hate with it

7. Build a tent out of it (it’s already 10 sizes too big, mightr as well)

8. Give it to charity (nahh on second thought that would be like giving anthrax to charity)

9. Cut it into squares and make a nice pair of oven mitts

10. Change my oil

Yellow: By Smurfette

Sing to “Yellow" by Coldplay

Look at the phone

look how it rings for you

Controlling all you do

And its all yellow

Bob came along

Said no more fun for you

Here’s what you’re gonna do

Pick up and say hello

The pager oh yeah

the pager phone

Invades your dreams

Turns you into a drone

You know you know

its answer or die

You know its answer or die

Your friends are gone

they’ve given up on you

They don’t know what to do

The pager’s all yellow

You've watched tv and all your dvds

And 6 days till you’re free

The pager’s all yellow

And every night before you go to sleep

You pray the phone wont beep

And jar you from your sleep

The pager’s all yellow

Got My BOJO Working

Sung to the tune of: Got my mojo working...

I got my bojo working, but it just don't work on youI

got my bojo working, but it just don't work on you

I want to dock your pay so bad, '

till I just don't know what to doI

'm going down to Minnesota,

to get me a bojo hand

I'm going down to Minnesota,

to get me a bojo hand

I'm gonna have all you women managers,

get you under my command

I got my bojo working

Got my bojo working

But it just don't work on you

I got a HR gypsy woman giving me advice

I got a HR gypsy woman giving me advice

I got a whole lot of tricks keeping them managers on ice

I got my bojo working

Got my bojo working

But it just don't work on you

A Recipie For P K Tea

One part false hope
One part abject misery
Two parts insomnia
Three parts delusion that things will change
Three parts guilt about the clients' welfare

Mix ingrediants well and randomly. Steep all ingrediants in vinegar and bleach until nothing left remains. Enjoy!

Priceless PKT Collectable Memorabilia

Priceless PKT Collectable Memorabilia
Originally uploaded by teerlinck

These rare collectables are now available for a limited time only! Item number one is a rare PKT frisbee made from high tensile, lightweight plastic resin, making a fun and durable way to "give back" to the community! Item number two is an insulated beverage container that bears not only the company logo, but the motto as well: "investing in the lives of people." Its was designed by German engineers and was made using polyform microfibers with rubberized gripping mini-nodule overlay. The airtight seal from the plasto-carbide alloy lid will keep your hot brandy warm as you drive on a snowy winter evening to another overnight. And folks, lets not forget about the non-load bearing, caribiner key chain with lockable handle. This little beauty will keep your keys secure from even the most extreme emergency incidents! Act fast because these rare jewels are also imbued with rich historical value and they're sure to disappear soon--in my dumpster out behind my apartment.

They Call Me the Shocker!

Yo, they call me da Shocker
Why?
'Cause I gots my hummer paid for
by my clients in their walkers
I am da Big Daddy
and papa know best
Work your 80 hours bitch
Then die like the rest

Developmental disabilities
racks me up the dead presidents
Sheeeit don't y'all be illin' these
Or you ain't down wit common sense

Don't you even fuckin' test me
'Cause I need a damn 757 boeing
To haul the gold-gold paid me by the coun-tee
Back to my ten acres crib
wit my clients out mowing

Bitches don't even turn your backs
'Cause I'll rob your asses blind
Even while thinkin' bout yer booty
and workin hard to mac

Oh shit, y'alls think I ain't a playa?
When I'm at my desk
Staring at your breast
My dreamy eyes are blessed
And I end up making Christian Slater
Look like a swamp lovin' alligator

But don't think I'm a hater
I pray to God every day
To save the sorry souls
Of the fuckin' heathens who I pay

Now listen close jack
'Cause thats an interesting point
I make bank for the Man Upstairs
He said son, "screw them dawgs
Use your thug ways, blow the damn joint"

And when the Lord JC
compared a rich man to a camel
He din't mean me
The Big Boss knows I ain't lost
'Cause a prosperous Christian
Is a superior mammal

No One Knows What BOJO Knows...

No one what knows what BOJO knows
High priest, Grand Poobah in white robes
No one knows what BOJO knows
His enigmatic soul patch beckons girlies close
No one knows what BOJO knows
He hides inside his positive cloak
No one knows what BOJO knows
King's English is a distant ghost
No one knows what BOJO knows
Paraklatos now his holy host
No one knows what BOJO knows
But his phony bullshit really blows

The death of common sense

Common sense folks,

its not so common.

It began dying when...

...salaried slaves didn't want to work 80 hour work weeks

...the boss was no longer seen as Our Father Who Knows Whats Best For Us

...low life workers wanted MORE than shyt for pay and demanded BENEFITS (oh no!)